crying in front of me
he said he dreamed about taking a bath with another woman / and she started crying / he said it’s a dream / she said “to me everything you say is true.” / he said it’s just a dream / she said even when you’re awake you / don’t want to bathe
with me / don’t you love me / how do I say this / I’m the woman he dreamed about / and it wasn’t like I showed up naked in his sleep on purpose / I said why are you here / he said I don’t know / well since I’m here / might as well
take a bath / I said it’s a dream / and he started crying / what are you crying for / just wake up and you’ll be fine I said / he said “I really want to take a bath.” / I thought I understood / he also had a body that in / reality
could never be washed clean / and that woman / he didn’t want to bathe with that woman / so I put on clothes / gave him a hug. “don’t,” I warned him, “tell her / or she’ll get even dirtier.” / he disappeared in my arms / I thought he must have
woken / I didn’t want to bathe anymore / it’s just a dream / the really normal kind / wet / dirty / a dream with a man
crying in front of him
won’t you be my corpse / I’ve always wanted to collect / some dead people for myself / one to put in the fridge one to send back home / and one more / preferably male / alive / but being my good little corpse / it sounds boring / but I could
play coroner / we could play a game / investigate your cause of death / honestly / being your coroner / is much better than being your woman / I could penetrate you with tweezers / I could poke
you with knives / I could come back to our room every day / unzip your body / bag to find you haven’t changed at all / and your whole body is hard / making me believe / I’m an
evocative woman / and I’d rather wonder every day who killed you / than ask every day whether you love me / even if I asked you / wouldn’t say a thing / it’s great / I really loathe the sort of lover who / says everything / and is alive / I’d get tired of him really quickly / and when I tell him nicely to go die / he would get mad / a corpse however / would never talk back / trivial things like / why should I go die / won’t you be
my corpse / then I could put you on my bed / pretend to watch you sleep soundly / you’d have no heartbeat for me / to listen to but everything / else would be perfect / and even if there’s a lot of blood on your body / wet / dirty / you still
wouldn’t wake up / and say first thing / “I dreamed about taking a bath with another woman.”
crying in front of her
in general / serious parents / raise willful children / the odds of this / are almost certainly / as high as that of a high-achieving child / making the parents mediocre /
I’m too high-achieving / my parents are fighting again / Dad said he dreamed about another woman / Mom told him to go die already /
really why are they together / yet it’s because of me they haven’t separated /
“if I hand my daughter over to them / she’s going to turn out like them” / they’re trying desperately to keep the other / from gaining another accomplice /
they think it’s better for me / if they’re together / that’s true / after all the moment they fight / I’d go back to my room and study / then accidentally / I became a girl both / well-behaved and studious / really why are they together / one day I dreamed of a woman / who looked kind of like him / and kind of like her / I asked who are you / she said it’s been a while / I said what do you mean it’s been a while / and she disappeared / her clothes falling onto the floor / it’s reasonable to infer / she left my dream naked / and just like this I was shocked / awake that night I understood sex and revolution / and for the first time changed my pants / washed my sheets / some blood on my body / made me think of corpses / and since he and she were arguing still / I decided to take a bath / then make the next day’s shopping list / a list that from now on / would contain one more item than a man’s / I stepped into the bathroom / the self in the mirror / cried in front of me / it came just like this / wet / dirty / adolescence
—Hsiao I-Hui, trans. Pearl Hwang